sloppy seconds.

The holidays are a time of mass chaos. Semesters finishing up. Presents to buy. A million parties to attend. Chat. Laugh. Cry. Repeat.

I wonder how we became the age of all consuming technology. How something so small blows up on the internet, the newest facebook sensation. Or how something so big and horrible becomes inescapable. How our lives become inescapable. Do-do-do and that boy is texting you, news alert, twitter mention, facebook e-vite.

So I have decided to unplug. And I guess this blog post is cheating but oh well. No one will read it anyway because I'm not going to post it to my "timeline" or tweet about it. It will just be our little secret.  I am taking this month off. From chaos and drama and virtual reality. I am doing yoga by myself and drinking lots of tea. I am reading. (I admit I am finishing up Grey's Anatomy). I am writing. I am seeing friends. I'd rather stare at my sweet sleeping puppies anyway than the screen of a stupid cell phone.

If you know me at all you know that I have never been this girl. But that was before. One year ago I was lying on the dang couch cursing those hyper puppies because I was so tired. I was pulling out my own hair, crying and begging for it to stay in just a little bit longer. I was sick. I was pleading to God. Then, then I was glued to my phone, to the distractions. To the prayers of hundreds of friends. To the emails that would eventually get me through this mess. I needed it. Craved the distraction. Life was too hard and I wanted to escape.

So I escaped into a world of blog posts and facebook messages and encouraging tweets. I escaped into the second year of medical school. I buried myself in books and inspirational quotes. I threw myself into a whirlwind relationship that was insane and so unnecessary. It was like trying to distract a toddler in the middle of a temper tantrum, "quick look over here, look at this new toy, please be quiet, if you are good we can stop for ice cream..."

But I made it. And here I reliving the moments that we all live every year. It's the end of another semester, it's the holidays, and it's being home for Christmas. Soon it will be my third year of medical school and then summer and then thanksgiving and then we will be back around again and again and again, if we are so lucky. Second helpings of the same ol' life with a brand new outlook.

Except this time I am not distracted.

I have never been so clear in my whole life. Like I said, I unplugged, and if you want to reach me, then well I don't know, maybe you should just come ring my door bell. The mountain air of East Tennessee is as cleansing as ever and I am soaking it all in. I am striving for peace of mind and for perspective and for restoration. I am recharging my batteries. Because Lord knows that it will all hit the fan again when January rolls around, for the second time since. Life will still be there and school will still be killer and I will still have to deal with a million medical appointments and follow-ups. But, I will take a deep breath and say "bring it on." I won't let myself be distracted.

I have landed on solid ground and this year, I am seeing things in a new light. It's my second Christmas since...and well, I can breathe. So leave me alone, unless you want to unplug with me, and then let's all grab some egg nog and cozy up by a fire somewhere. I swear they must have been happier in the "old days." Blissfully unaware of what was happening thousands of miles away and so blissfully aware of their own time and place. Lost in the eyes of someone across the room instead of in the lastest episode of Parks & Rec. Hand running through my hair instead of checking the score of the game. Real time conversation with real time laughter and tears.

Let's get back to that, okay?
Liv

It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters
And make fun of our exes
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight
To fall in love with strangers
We're happy free confused and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical oh yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines, it's time