Talk on Indolence- Avett Brothers Well I’ve been lockin' myself up in my house for sometime now Readin' and writin' and readin' and thinkin' and searching for reasons and missing the seasons. The Autumn, the Spring, the Summer, the snow. The record will stop and the record will go. Latches latched the windows down, the dog coming in and the dog going out. Up with caffeine and down with a shot. Constantly worried about what I’ve got. Distracting my work but I can’t make a stop and my confidence on and my confidence off. And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top and I think to myself that I do this a lot. World outside just goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes... and witness it all from the blinds of my window. THREE, FOUR
I'm a little nervous 'bout what you'll think When you see me in my swimming trunks And last night in New York I got raging drunk Remember one time I got raging drunk with you
Now, I can recall a time when we made the city Streets our playground, kissing in the fountains Filled with cigarettes and bottles Sped through Italian city streets of cobblestone
Because we had to Because I loved you Because the damned alcohol Beacuse what ever at all
Now I've grown to aware of my mortality To let go and forget about dying Long enough to drop the hammer down And let the indolence go wild and flying through Because we had to
Ahhh the first "snow" day of the year. Little children out "sledding" in the ice covered rainy streets and annoying the heck out of their parents. The postman cursing his existence. Me, sitting at my desk drinking mint tea in a onsie taking a break from an all day study marathon that I have yet to begin.
I think of all the negativity that surrounds me, that surrounds all of us. God, it's freezing and my car is making a weird noise and the overhead lighting in my room is finicky. And I'm single. And school is so hard and all-consuming. I could just hibernate and ignore it all and not talk to anyone. I could enjoy endless cups of mint tea and just say "screw it all" because the world is a cold, hard, miserable place... sometimes.
But only just sometimes...
Sometimes I wish everyone could see the world through new eyes. To see the beauty in the icicles and find a beautiful melody amongst the grumblings of generations. To find peace in the chaos.
You see, there was a time when I was looking at it all wrong. I was trying to make my life perfect and pretty and neat. I was trying for the sake of perfect, pretty, neat. This picket fence and that kiss me when I get home husband. That christmas card. Sure, there is happiness to be found there... but what is the point? Because eventually you will get tired and that beauty will fade. Those icicles are just daggers and the grumblings are just grumblings.
Instead, seek beauty. And not superficial beauty, but a deeper beauty found only in compassion, equality, and peace. Find it everywhere and share it with everyone you know. Clear away the cobwebs of negativity that seep into every little thing we do. Let's all lighten up a little, okay. Laugh a little. Smile at a stranger.
And let's find that beauty in a traffic jam and a neuroscience textbook. Find it during those long logistics meetings and while cleaning the kitchen. Because let's face it, life isn't going anywhere anytime soon (hopefully) and most of it is just busy work. And personally, I don't want to miss out on all the fun of life because I am spending it cursing the car in front of me or dreading all of my school assignments. I'm going to try and find the beauty in it. Find meaning. Find that beautiful, true happiness. That fresh snow just waiting to be discovered.
So join me and seek beauty, too. Or I don't know, go find someone else to grumble to...
Liv
I've got a plan, I've got an atlas in my hands I'm gonna turn when I listen to the lessons I've learned -"Atlas Hands" Benjamin Francis Leftwich
A year from now I won't think about it. A year from now it will be January 4th 2014 and it will all just be a blip in my past. I won't think about how, a year ago, right this very moment was the worst day of my life, every single day.
A year can seem like such a long time...or like no time at all. Because there are a couple of years I don't even remember.. being 9, sophomore year of high school, toddlerdom... but man last year was a doozie. It was all ups and downs and nothing in between. It was a year of growth and realization and overcoming. I started this blog for the fun of it and it got all crazy emotional and sad. So in the spirit of coming full circle, I am going to bring a little bit of light and laughter back. Because, to be the super cliche that I am half the time, I feel that light and laughter creeping in more and more everyday. And thank God for that.
Sooooooo I have brought back the list!
Olivia's Top 10 Take Home Points of 2012:
10. I have a really nicely shaped bald head. I mean, it is possible that some people MAY NEVER KNOW THIS about themselves, and so in that sense I consider myself lucky.
9. Boy should be required to wear engagement rings.
8. What doesn't kill you doesn't always make you stronger. Usually what doesn't kill you, just almost kills you. Rather, YOU make you stronger.
7. Sometimes you fail. AND THAT'S OKAY as long as you really tried. You were meant for bigger and better things.
6. Ladies, if you want to attract lots of other ladies (if you know what I mean) I would recommend a short blond pixie cut. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
5. Holding on to and keeping in touch with those who matter is one of the most important things you can do. Even more important, though, is letting go of those who don't matter at all.
4. PET scan machines should have an "are you sure you want to delete this file?" screen that pops up after you click delete. Just saying. Might be helpful. I mean, my gmail has one...
3. Pie crust is best made with chilled butter. And my new kitchen aid stand mixer. And a glass of wine.
2. Sincerity, true sincerity, is rare and should be cherished. Same with making an A on a medical school exam.
1. Once in a while, check to make sure you are still breathing. Are you? Good, that means you're alive and you have everything to be grateful for. Now don't waste a second of this life which is so rare and special and unique that it will only be lived once. Make it count.
Alright, see you never 2012!
Liv
Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts Giving me everything inside and out and Love's strange so real in the dark Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart When the light gets into your heart, baby
Don't You Forget About Me Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't You Forget About Me
