But this IS what I learned:
1) You just have to let go.
I know I have said this a million times. But, I am just such a control freak that I think this was the hardest lesson for me to learn. I have learned that most things in my life are COMPLETELY out of my control. And I am slowly but surely learning to take a deep breath and LET GO, shake it off, and put that little smile back on my face. Worrying and analyzing are overrated. Why waste your life thinking of what could have been? Why waste your precious time on this earth questioning reality? Why not just live in it and make the best of it?? I am pretty sure (seeing as I have been there) that things really are going to be okay. (And geez if they REALLY aren't then you might want to reevaluate where you are going with your life! Get it together, people!)
2)You are going to have to wait at the doctor's office. Get over it.
One of the most frustrating things about this experience: scheduling and waiting for the numerous doctor's appointments. I didn't just drop everything when I got cancer, so why do they think I have time for a PET scan on a random Tuesday morning, especially when I have to wait two hours before even getting called back? Well I didn't have that time... but I sat there... and waited... and tried to follow #1s advice and let go. But, as a future doctor (fingers crossed) this will be my every day reality. I will see patients who do not want their lives to revolve around appointment after appointment. Patients who have real frustrations with how their health is getting in the way of living. Patients who have real fears which only heighten their aggravation of having to wait. Patients who associate waiting with bad/scary/unclear test results. I know because I have been all of these patients. And hopefully, I can take this experience and maybe comfort someone in the future who is having similar fears/anxiety/frustrations. This system will never change (well not in the near future anyway) but the people who work in it could be more understanding and patient and explanatory and most of all comforting.
3)All you can do is your BEST. Sometimes it isn't good enough. Most times it will be.
We've all been there: you work your butt off, and... still fail. If we were all meant to succeed at everything then where would that put us? Different people have different strengths and sometimes you just aren't good enough. Bet your momma never told you that one, huh? Well, I am here to tell you that it is true. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Please TRY! No one ever got anywhere moping around and thinking they weren't good enough. If you try, REALLY TRY, you will get somewhere. And maybe it isn't the somewhere you thought you would end up, but hey, it may be even better :)
4) Say "I love you" every damn day. To everyone who matters.
Now this should be a no brainer. But, there was a time in my life when I was scared to say I love you, and I know that almost every single person reading this right now has experienced that very same fear. Be it to your parents, grandparents, best friend, dog, love of your life. JUST TELL THEM. Life is too dang short to keep all that locked away inside. And don't just stop there, really show them you love them. Go out of your way to do something nice, or drop them a line, or just be there. Because actions speak so much louder than words. And words are so useless without actions. If you stop reading this to go call your Mom or hug your best friend that's okay... just come back 'cause I'm saving the best lesson for last.
5) I have the BEST friends and family a girl could ever ask for.
I think this goes without saying, and it's not really something I have learned because I already knew this. But, I could not have done this would you all. I love you all and cannot say THANK YOU enough!!! And if I've learned anything it is that I am truly the LUCKIEST girl alive.
6) God really doesn't give you more than you can handle. I promise.
Now, I said this at the beginning to myself when I was diagnosed. It was a comfort to think it was true, but I wasn't sure if I REALLY believed it. But let me tell you I do now. Lots of times I though I was just going to give up and just not make it out the other side: but that's when God gave me a helping hand. That helping hand came in the form of a friend, a phone call, a book, or even a song. Sometimes it was just closing my eyes and feeling God's arms around me. And here I am living proof. God answers prayers and He will not lead you to something if He cannot get you through it. It is not easy, by all means, but it is POSSIBLE.
7) You don't have to change the world to make a change.
I think some people think that they have to come out of these "life changing" experiences and immediately have to change the world. Um hello??!! I think I just beat cancer, maybe I can take a little breather now! It's okay to take some time and reflect and maybe even get a mani/pedi and THEN start on those crazy world-changing plans. And this obviously doesn't just apply to me, but to everyone. Start small and use what you know. Reach out to someone in need, volunteer, just be a BETTER PERSON. And don't beat yourself up if you aren't immediately Mother Teresa... take it one step at a time and give 100% to the things you do pursue. And make sure those things you pursue are going to leave this world a better place (or at least not a worse place!)
8) Life isn't always fun. But it can be if you make it. Smiling, laughing, etc can get you through anything.
Just saying- chemo is NOT fun. But, I have had some good times in that little infusion room. From the great heart to heart chats with my mother, to creepin' on boys with Heather, to all out chemo party with Nathan, Malia, JB, and Liz. Now if that isn't making the best of any situation than I don't know what is! And I have found that if you just smile... things really do seem better and they will be easier. Who wants to live a sad/miserable life anyway?? Find something fun in each day and do it. The world could use more laughter.
9) It is not good days or bad days. It is just DAYS.
Well, y'all here is my last piece of advice, and something I am trying my hardest to live by everyday: it isn't good days or bad days... IT IS JUST DAYS. Everyday has the potential to be what you want it to be. And everyday is a gift, whether it feels that way or not, we are HERE and we are ALIVE. I guess it is up to us how we live each day...what is that quote again, oh yes, "we are not creatures of circumstance, we are CREATORS of circumstance."(-B. Disreali) So LIVE each day as you want it to be lived. It is entirely up to you. Even in the most awful of circumstances, happiness can be found. I am so thankful for my LIFE and don't want to waste a second of it on a "bad day," and neither should you!
So this may be my last post for a bit since I have to get serious about studying for this cardiology block and our final at the end of May (like I haven't been serious this whole time, who am I kidding, I don't know how much more serious I can be!! haha). But, I hope that you all have taken away something from my ramblings. Because it has been completely necessary and cathartic for me. So THANK YOU for reading!! BUT don't think you are getting off that easy- you haven't heard the last of me yet. No way I could cut this whole blogging thing cold-turkey now.
LOVE YOU ALL :)
Liv
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