It was a Tuesday. One week before my first medical school test. I woke up and got ready for school. Sat in class, probably in the back because I was five minutes late. Went to anatomy lab. Did I go to lunch with friends? (I can't even remember?) Maybe I talked to my parents on the phone? Studied. Cooked dinner with my boyfriend. The same dinner we had made millions of times. Opened a couple of presents. Probably watched some TV and I went to bed.
I was stagnant. I was superficial. I was peaceful.
But I was ignorant.
I was cozy under the blankets of my comfortable and predictable life. I was satisfied, by the same meal I had eaten a million times, and by the same conversation I had participated in over and over again. I was warmed by the smiles of people I barely knew, and by the arms of someone I had fallen out of love with. I wasn't sad, but I wasn't happy either. I was stagnant and had no motivation to pull myself out of the quicksand I had fallen into. Quicksand that was slowly taking me under, pulling me deeper and deeper into a life of complacency and empty, but smiling, eyes.
And just as I was about to be sucked completely under...I woke up. Gasping for air and clawing at the surface to save my own life. Kicking and screaming. Awake for the very first time. Alive for the very first time. Staring into the face of a diagnosis which could have, if the circumstances aligned and if I was just a little bit too late, stolen my life. A life I had yet to see and understand and live.
And so I did something that many people never get a chance to do. I changed. I got to know people, like really took to time to know people. I fell in love, like really in love. I worked harder than I had ever worked. I learned not just for the sake of passing a test, but for the sake of really learning. I cried harder than I had ever cried. I lost more than I had ever lost and fought harder than I had ever fought. I found God again. I danced and laughed when I wanted to because I wanted to. I called the people closest to me and told them that I loved them. I was happier and more sad than I had ever been. Ignorant no more, I was alive.
Fast forward to my 24th birthday. I woke up smiling and danced around my room. I smiled harder when my entire medical school class sang to me and Dr. Muthiah gave me an air high five. I was warmed by the smiles and hearts of people who I truly knew and loved. I hugged my best friends when they surprised me with a cake and told me they loved me, knowing that it was true. I cried later, overwhelmed by how loved I felt. Overwhelmed by how happy I was. How lucky I was to finally be awake. To be living a life so full it is bursting at the seams. I am not even mad that I cry more now, because that is the price I pay to truly smile. I never knew what that felt like before December, to really smile. To really be happy. Ignorance was not bliss. It was emptiness. But I am not empty any more.
Don't wait to change your life. Open your eyes and shake off your ignorance. Bust out of the quicksand. Just... change.
Before it is too late.
Liv
We sit around looking for flaws in the diamonds
We sit around spillin our ice cubes on the lawn
We sit around finding our way through the darkness
Well we waste our time when we could be righting every wrong.
I get along kicking myself in the lightning
I get along knowing you won't be here
I get along finding myself in the darkness
Well we waste our time when we could be righting every wrong.
And we chase heartbreak where we can see heartbreak don't belong.
We kick around placing our bets on the evening
We kick around hanging our secrets out for sale
We kick around sticking it out in the darkness
We waste our time when we could be righting every wrong
We waste our time when we could be righting ever
We chase heartbreak where we can see heartbreak don't belong
We chase heartbreak and I was right here all along
We waste our time
We waste our time
All the other blogs just got boom roasted by your blog. Well done.
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