So I don't want to freak anyone out.... but I just made a left turn on red. I mean, there were no cars coming and the other way had a green...and it just seemed like my turn. Guess I must be distracted or something. I guess it just takes moments like that to realize that you live your life on autopilot. What was I thinking about, you might ask?? Well, I might ask myself the same question.
Sometimes it just feels like this is my life: blah blah blah...cancer...blah blah.. cancer cancer... blah blah blah. When I wake up in the morning, it's all like "hey baldy, looking good!" And then I go to class and learn about cancer (cannot wait for hematology block next! haha!) And then I have to plan my studying around cancer. And then people ask me about my cancer. Starting to see a theme here.
Now I'm not complaining... like I said before I have been dealt a pretty good hand... one of the cards is just torn in half. I can deal. (omg I am so punny.) But, the most difficult thing about all of this is the ups and downs. Like today I feel amazing, and I know tomorrow after I receive my 7th round of chemotherapy, I will feel like absolute crap. The anticipation of that is killing me, and I already feel gross just thinking about it. But I have to do it. This isn't a choice. It's me putting on my big girl panties and sitting in a chair for two hours. Dammit.
Wow, moody, real it in. Ok ok ok it is not all bad and I have my friends to lean on and make me laugh when I get like this. And my sister and some amazing friends are coming to visit this weekend, which will help. Basically, what I am saying is that I just cannot wait for the day when this isn't all I think about. And I have heard from a good friend that that day will come, eventually. And sooner than I may think. And I CANNOT FREAKING WAIT FOR THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AND GONE!
Ahhhh.... ok I feel better now. What? You thought this blog was going to be all sunshine and puppies after that first post, eh? Well, now you know. I am a surprisingly complex little lady full of all kinds of emotions. Sometimes, they have no where to go but out and this blog was just here to catch them for me!
Catch you on the other side of 7.
Liv
If anyone can handle this, it is you! You're amazing and funny - and nice background. I just learned more than I usually do in virtual microscopy :)
ReplyDeleteI am going to figure out how to post...if it kills me.
ReplyDeleteAlso you crack me up, don't worry I have done the whole "left on red" before and also the "red light as a stop sign" thing haha