constant change.

And once again the slate is wiped clean. I am done with surgery and walking in the shoes of a pediatrician for the next two months. It's all new. No one knows me, expects me to do great things, act like I am here to learn. It is earning that respect by working my butt off all over again, and it will be for the rest of my life, I guess.

It will be for the rest of my (academic) career at least.

The life of a medical student and resident is literally that of constant change. Just when you learn how one attending likes his notes written and presented. boom. you switch. Try not to get to comfortable because the rug is about to be pulled out from underneath you once again. (Dang, and I had just really learned how to use the staple gun properly, too....)

I think that is something so special and unique about medicine. Everyone is constantly learning, evolving. New drugs come out, new protocols, even new diseases. You've got to be able to think on your toes and adapt. You can never get lazy and complacent because that could be someone's life, or at least their comfort, that you hold in your hands.

I both kind of love and it absolutely hate it. Because really it's only a rare moment here and now when you actually feel like you know what the heck is going on and you are doing something 100% correct (without having to ask a nurse...or a patient, in my case, to help you operate a child's crib.) Most of the time we are on the receiving end of "are you lost?" comments and I'm sure even more sideways glares from people who actually DO know what they are doing, because they have done it every day of their adult lives (just try and remember that sometimes, please?)

But today at least, and more importantly, I was on the receiving end of a toddler's smile. And while I may have tried my hardest on that discharge note only to fail miserably at guessing which antibiotic to send that baby home on (in the end, it turn's out, none),  I didn't have to try and see the wonder in all that was happening around me. I mean, sick, but smiling kids, pretty much make the world seem all okay. If they can do it, I can handle a little change now and then. (Because, really I've done it before, and I think we've established that I did mostly okay.)

Nobody said it was going to be easy. (Really they just said to run while I had the chance.) But I could not imagine myself anywhere else but in this crazy whirlwind I am about to call life for the next 5-7 years. (Yep that's right boys, start lining up now... scrubs and 4 hours of sleep and no free time is attractive to other people right??!)

Peace out girl scouts.
Liv

But I don't want "good" and I don't want "good enough"
I want "can't sleep, can't breathe without you" love
Front porch and one more kiss, it doesn't make sense to anybody else
Who cares if you're all I think about,
I've searched the world and I know now,
It ain't right if you ain't lost your mind
Yeah, I don't want easy, I want crazy
You with me baby? Let's be crazy