#areyoukiddingme???: Winding Roads and Windy Days.

Oh good ol' East Tennessee. You are so beautiful. I have missed your mountains and trees and winding back roads.

Yesterday was such a pretty day. The sun was shining and the breeze was just perfect. So on my way to Starbucks to study a bit I took the long way and with the windows down and the radio up, I felt home. Like no one could touch me.

Along the way I passed all of these memories. There was that old park where me and Lauren used to sit our emo selves down and talk about the world....the theatre where I danced my favorite Snow Queen... that road behind Holston Drive where me and Susan used to walk for hours...that senior parking lot where we used to hang around in Micah's truck... that Snow Cone place where I broke someone's heart... and that corner down the street from my house where I had my first kiss...

I'll be a little sad to leave this place today, as I always am. I guess I am just being a little nostalgic. It is a nice reminder to look back at where you have been. And helpful when I look at where I am going. You see, all of these things, these memories, shape who we are. No matter if they are good or bad, they make us uniquely us.

I carry these memories and lessons with me into the future. All of them. Old, new, near, far. From the crazy nights in Brazil to the splendid cafes in Paris to my own quiet backyard (the backyard of my childhood, where I used to swing and watch the wind blow through the beautiful tall oak trees). And even though those tress are gone now, I will never forget the first time I thought that the wind was the presence of something more. How I knew even as a child that this life was bigger than just me.... I close my eyes and take a deep breath... I can still feel the awe I felt back then. The awe of the wind through those trees... of feeling small.... of feeling insignificant but empowered.

And so I think I was a little bit crazy even as a child, but that is okay with me. I think sometimes we all need to just stop, close our eyes, and breathe. Feel insignificant. Feel part of something bigger. So that we may re-approach our lives with a renewed strength and sense of purpose.

Something someone said to me a couple of days ago really stuck with me: "find peace...and through that peace really allow yourself to listen....do not try to force it.... just be." I imagine it like an empty jar, well one that is not normally empty, but one that you must dump out all of its contents to really be filled with anything. These contents are the grudges we hold and the judgements we make and the anger we harbor. We must empty ourselves so that we may be filled with what is important and never close that lid. Never.

And with that I am off to Knoxville for a couple of days to make some new memories and relive some old ones. And I can definitely tell you that I will stop and drink in all that is around me because good moments with even better friends only come around every so often when you have your nose glued to a book most of the time.

I'll leave you with some music from my new obsession: The Civil Wars (thanks Malia... haha.... also, I think being back in the birthplace of country music is really bringing me back to my roots ha!) Excited to see them at Memphis in May.